Star Girl moles over the word "Humiliation" because, well, it has a rather strong connotation, don't you think? It sounds cruel, a feeling that is often provoked by another person or group. So let Star Girl start off by saying, she more or less found humor in two separate 'embarrassing moments' that occurred at her work place this week. They were not humiliating. However, Star Girl is a sucker for assonance so will keep the title above.
Background: Star Girl works at PayPal/eBay as a Customer Solutions Agent. Its like a glorified call center, which pays well and treats the employees like stars. Star Girl is NOT being paid to promote this corporation, but has to admit, there is a reason they are always listed as the top companies to work for. There is something to be said about being surrounded by some of the most state of the art technology and rather than feeling like you are surrounded by fellow robots, you are surrounded by fellow family and friends. So this might be why these embarrassing moments can be so easily laughed off. Star Girls dad told her she also just has a talent for taking 'the minutia of daily life and making it funny or interesting' so maybe that's all it was, but then again, maybe Star Girl likes to toot her own horn, honk, honk! or should that be a toot? toot? Star Girl will take a compliment from her old man any day. Star Girl never call him an old man to his face, by the way. Anywaaaaaayssss....back to the gist right?!
This week in case you have not heard, is CUSTOMER SERVICE WEEK! And PayPal/eBay loves any reason to celebrate, so every day has been a celebration, full of contests, prizes, and food.
So on to...
EVENT ONE: Thursday was Crazy Outfit Day. Star Girl and fellow employees were notified by email the previous day that the winner would receive a $50.00 gift card. Star Girl is a shopaholic. Star Girl is broke. Star Girl is desperate for the fifty bucks so she can go buy that adorable patent leather clutch with the gaudy, bejeweled lip shaped embellishment on the front. Obviously, its the lost soul mate of the blue, floppy fedora and the slinky, black dress she just bought last week. Sulky, smoky, and skulking past the glass eye of a black and white camera lense, Star Girl pictures that clutch swinging in her hands. Star Girl is feeling competitive, and while she completes emails that day at work, her mind wanders to concocting a crazy outfit, she needs something FIERCE. Burn out the competition! Sizzzzle, Sizzzzzz....
After work, she runs to class, and after class, she runs to Target....Star Girl purchases a package of plastic spiders (the black ones used to dot the cobwebs of halloween decorations) and she also purchases these adorable felt cutouts of owls in halloween shades of black and orange. She runs home. It is 11:30pm at night, Star Girl must be awake at 5:30am for work at 6am. This is crazy. She is hot gluing plastic spiders to a gorgeous, puffy skirt, midnight blue and covered in sequins. Back Story: Skirt was Discovered at a Buffalo Exchange Earth Day Rummage Sale three years ago FOR ONE DOLLAR. Star Girl is sewing the felt owls to the skirt. In a moment of panic, Star Girl demands her boyfriend drive to CVS for safety pins. The zipper of the skirt is broken, MY GOD! ITS BROKEN. Boyfriend dares to say, "Wear something else" Star Girl is staring at him, astounded, hot glue gun in her hand, mouth aslack. The wrath of the beast comes out as she goes into a heated argument about how important this is to her and she must wear this silly skirt. Debate is abated moments later when boyfriend locates some safety pins which were holding a pair of his shorts together. Every thing is not falling apart, except maybe his shorts. Star Girl is imagining the skirt is the canopy above at night, and the sequins the stars. In her world, the sky is crawling with spiders and the owls flying above are as common as dirty street pigeons.
Its a magical world, indeed. Star Girl falls asleep with hot glue dried to her fingers.
5:30am
Not tired? Star Girl, Sleepy Head Dreamer of the Real World is NOT TIRED? She is too excited to wear her Crazy Outfit! She wonders who else will be dressed up? What will they wear? Surely, nothing as creative as her! MWAHAHAHA!
Star Girl dresses in this order: Fuschia colored leopard print tights, followed by THE SKIRT OF THE CENTURY, followed by a long sleeved grey and black striped shirt with images of lipstick prints all over it, followed by a spaghetti strap from 6th grade with Minnie Mouse on the front, her ears are embellished with blue sequins. Minnie Mouses smiles back in the mirror at Star Girl. Lastly, she slips on her pink and black striped ankle socks and black and white creepers (Those platform shoes british punkers always wear).
Star Girl/Crazy Girl runs out the door. Hope none of the neighbors catch a glimpse of her in the sliver of the rising sun!
As Star Girl runs across the parking lot at work she has already amassed quite a few stares. The ride up the elevator is silent, as a group of 4 other guys look over her get up quizzically. Star Girl explains she is dressed for the contest. No one else seems to get it.
Star Girl realizes as she passes the desks of fellow friends and employees, she is the only one dressed as the odd duck. Panic seizes her. What if she got the days mixed up?! She rushes to her desk and opens her email up, yes, today is the day. What the...???
Star Girls bladder is ready to burst three hours later. She refuses to leave her desk and scolds herself, stop drinking so much damn coke and you wouldn't have to pee your pants you big dope! Star Girl does not want to leave her desk for fear of THE STARING and GAWKING.
As the day passes, Star Girl does have to leave her desk from time to time. And she receives many compliments. She discovers that she already has a reputation for being quirky, eclectic, and yes- even dorky as her manager told her. This only shames Star Girl even more. This ridiculous get up? Yes, her fellow team mates thought she was just dressing like she does every day. Oh GAWD KILL ME.
Lo and Behold though, Star Girl WINS the contest. Her picture is taken and loaded into an email which is generated to the whole department. Star Girl's skirt is admired, Star Girl is feeling more brave about being different.
And you know why else Star Girl won the contest? Not just because of her originality and creativity? Because she was the ONLY ONE who dressed up. Everyone else either forgot or were to self-conscious.
Star Girl had the last laugh as she waltzed out the doors of work, $50.00 gift card in her hand.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
America, full of rebels without a cause
What has happened to Star Girl's Generation? Star Girl recently came across a blog written by former Jane Beauty Editor Cat Marnell. The blog is her misadventures in downtown NYC. But these misadventures are not quirky or insightful. The blog covers her party hopping, pill popping, alley way sex endeavoring, label dropping, drug induced coma. Star Girl is amazed that Cat Marnell still has the sense and ability to type coherent sentences, let alone some well written ones at that. The blog IS creative, it is entertaining, its shocking, and eye opening, its also very sad and empty of any direction. Reading a few blog entries was enough to realize this generation of mine and Cat Marnell's was led astray somewhere along the way, and there is no going back. The Generation of narcissism, nihility, and emptiness. More shocking is the fact that Cat Marnell has a rally of men and women who support her self harm with fervor and pride and disgusted amusement. Such misguided, misinformed, lost souls.
We are in the boom age of blogging. Blogs have the accessibility of an e-book. But unlike a published book turned e-book, blogs and their bloggers are bound to be a fleeting apparition. They aren't going to be the writers that are read or challenged or debated over years from now. However, bloggers have immediacy. They have influence. They have power in numbers, which may grow in large fleets one day and then crumble away just as quickly, like a feasted upon empire. But in those moments of power, whose to say that even after people like Cat Marnell fizzle and burn out, their influence hasn't already done some damage and settled into the collective conscience of Star Girls generation?
Star Girl doesn't want to be a zombie, (as much as she enjoys their movies). Star Girl needs to decide whats good for her, what entertains her but also informs her. What stirs the imagination but also provokes thought and inspires? Star Girl says no to the emptiness and narcissism, so she thinks but then...the other voice, the sharp, hissy voice of Narcissus says, Get over it, Star Girl. You are no saint. You have your demons, just like Cat Marnell. She just openly and crudely expresses them and the horrifying part is that so many people can relate to it. Just like you, Star Girl. The truth is, Star Girl, you're also looking for a quick fix, a pill, to turn and churn and burn through life like a speeding comet. Burn out fast, but leave a pockmark or a black imprint like the grill of a stove all over the face of this ugly generation.Admit it.
In other news, Star Girl would like to just mention she had originally planned to dedicate this blog entry to the fabulous experience she had on the previous Tuesday. That evening,In flesh and blood, there stood, two rows away, one of Star Girl's favorite musical artists, the talented, ethereal, skeletal, intense, FIONA APPLE! Up front, moving in stereo, on stage, in person. Unbelievable! Butterflies in a belljar stomach danced and flitted, and Star Girls blood coursed with adrenaline and the alcohol contents of two whiskey sours. She was a vision to behold! However, Star Girl had more pressing things on her mind this evening rather than discussing the glorious visions and sounds captured in her memory box brain that evening. It all seemed so petty in comparison to the distressing revelations of Star Girl current generation. Perhaps this whole entry was just an over exhausted exercise in pettiness.
We are in the boom age of blogging. Blogs have the accessibility of an e-book. But unlike a published book turned e-book, blogs and their bloggers are bound to be a fleeting apparition. They aren't going to be the writers that are read or challenged or debated over years from now. However, bloggers have immediacy. They have influence. They have power in numbers, which may grow in large fleets one day and then crumble away just as quickly, like a feasted upon empire. But in those moments of power, whose to say that even after people like Cat Marnell fizzle and burn out, their influence hasn't already done some damage and settled into the collective conscience of Star Girls generation?
Star Girl doesn't want to be a zombie, (as much as she enjoys their movies). Star Girl needs to decide whats good for her, what entertains her but also informs her. What stirs the imagination but also provokes thought and inspires? Star Girl says no to the emptiness and narcissism, so she thinks but then...the other voice, the sharp, hissy voice of Narcissus says, Get over it, Star Girl. You are no saint. You have your demons, just like Cat Marnell. She just openly and crudely expresses them and the horrifying part is that so many people can relate to it. Just like you, Star Girl. The truth is, Star Girl, you're also looking for a quick fix, a pill, to turn and churn and burn through life like a speeding comet. Burn out fast, but leave a pockmark or a black imprint like the grill of a stove all over the face of this ugly generation.Admit it.
In other news, Star Girl would like to just mention she had originally planned to dedicate this blog entry to the fabulous experience she had on the previous Tuesday. That evening,In flesh and blood, there stood, two rows away, one of Star Girl's favorite musical artists, the talented, ethereal, skeletal, intense, FIONA APPLE! Up front, moving in stereo, on stage, in person. Unbelievable! Butterflies in a belljar stomach danced and flitted, and Star Girls blood coursed with adrenaline and the alcohol contents of two whiskey sours. She was a vision to behold! However, Star Girl had more pressing things on her mind this evening rather than discussing the glorious visions and sounds captured in her memory box brain that evening. It all seemed so petty in comparison to the distressing revelations of Star Girl current generation. Perhaps this whole entry was just an over exhausted exercise in pettiness.
Friday, September 7, 2012
You make the bed you sleep in
September the Seventh 2012
10:30pm
A Friday Night spent IN
Star Girl has money woes. Star Girl wishes these woes would not weigh down upon her. She thinks, 'Dear God, Why can't you just let me have a green thumb? The type of green thumb that can grow trees that sprout money not citrus fruit. Arizona has too much citrus fruit. And Star Girl could use less of that, and more of those green paper bills. Thank You, God, and Amen."
Star Girl also thinks its sad when you have to grow up and be like your parents and complain to YOUR significant other about money issues. Its so easy to point the big ole waggin' finger at your companion and say, "well it wouldn't be SO BAD if YOU did this or had not done THAT." Star Girl doesn't really follow up on celebrities too much, but Star Girl picked up an article and read something a really young starlet said about being in a relationship, she said, when you are in a relationship you can't place blame on your partner, you can't throw around accusatory YOU's, instead focus on how you are feeling. That way it comes across in a non accusatory way and everyone can feel better about letting their thoughts come out. Star Girl supposes at least that's one smart thing she has read from a young starlet that a publicist has not had to filter. Maybe.
Star Girl just wishes she really was a STAR girl and could go visit the sky tonight. She could use a break. Star Girl always told her dad not to ever go to bed mad. When Star Girl was younger, when she would fight with her dad, it doesn't matter how upset she was, she made herself leave her bedroom and kiss her dad on the cheek and say "I'm sorry" and everyone would feel better and everyone would go to sleep just fine. Star Girl thinks, why are younger kids sometimes so much smarter than adults? Not just smarter, but kinder, and wiser in a more innocent less jaded, arrogant way. I guess wise isn't jaded or arrogant, its just wise. Pure and simple.
Star Girl needs to wise up, and so does the rest of the adult world. Star Girl will make a tough decision tonight and try not to go to bed mad. Hopefully the other adult can agree with that too.
Goodnight, moon.
10:30pm
A Friday Night spent IN
Star Girl has money woes. Star Girl wishes these woes would not weigh down upon her. She thinks, 'Dear God, Why can't you just let me have a green thumb? The type of green thumb that can grow trees that sprout money not citrus fruit. Arizona has too much citrus fruit. And Star Girl could use less of that, and more of those green paper bills. Thank You, God, and Amen."
Star Girl also thinks its sad when you have to grow up and be like your parents and complain to YOUR significant other about money issues. Its so easy to point the big ole waggin' finger at your companion and say, "well it wouldn't be SO BAD if YOU did this or had not done THAT." Star Girl doesn't really follow up on celebrities too much, but Star Girl picked up an article and read something a really young starlet said about being in a relationship, she said, when you are in a relationship you can't place blame on your partner, you can't throw around accusatory YOU's, instead focus on how you are feeling. That way it comes across in a non accusatory way and everyone can feel better about letting their thoughts come out. Star Girl supposes at least that's one smart thing she has read from a young starlet that a publicist has not had to filter. Maybe.
Star Girl just wishes she really was a STAR girl and could go visit the sky tonight. She could use a break. Star Girl always told her dad not to ever go to bed mad. When Star Girl was younger, when she would fight with her dad, it doesn't matter how upset she was, she made herself leave her bedroom and kiss her dad on the cheek and say "I'm sorry" and everyone would feel better and everyone would go to sleep just fine. Star Girl thinks, why are younger kids sometimes so much smarter than adults? Not just smarter, but kinder, and wiser in a more innocent less jaded, arrogant way. I guess wise isn't jaded or arrogant, its just wise. Pure and simple.
Star Girl needs to wise up, and so does the rest of the adult world. Star Girl will make a tough decision tonight and try not to go to bed mad. Hopefully the other adult can agree with that too.
Goodnight, moon.
Friday, August 31, 2012
And in this moment I swear we were infinite
Fantastic Friday, Full Moon, 31st of August 2012
4:46pm
Star Girl is antsy! Maybe its the full moon, or the wind howling past her second story apartment window. MAYBE its the fact that something AMAZING happened yesterday and Star Girl is still reeling from it?! Star Girl stepped out her front door yesterday and decided to do something other than hugging a bottle of wine and a book. Ok, stepping out the front door was NOT the amazing part. Star Girl does not suffer from agoraphobia, although she has her moments of social anxiety and/or awkwardness. No, Star Girl ventured out to a bookstore with one of her Best Friends, lets call her Brittany Booty-Bear. Please, let me warn you: Star Girl has an affinity for calling her loved ones terms of endearment that end with -bear. Such fuzzy, cute, cuddly creatures when shrunken to a miniature size, plush with cotton stuffing and sewn in Bambi-sized eyes. The word Bear turns into a term which symbolizes such affections. Anyways, Star Girl has digressed and gone to the Moon (it is brimming on this fine Friday after all), so let us come back down together and begin where we left off. Ah, yes. The journey of less than a hundred miles began with a single step out her front door. Actually, it really began last month, when Brittany Booty-Bear read the very book Star Girl got her name from: Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli. Star Girl had passed on her ragged, dog eared copy with the solemnity of passing along a family heirloom; it was a soul heirloom, and the book, she advised, must be read with the openness of a child, and in it you will discover some very innate essences of life. Brittany Booty Bear completed the task, and with teary eyes handed Star Girl a piece of her soul in return: Her own ragged, dog-eared copy of her FAVORITE BOOK EVER. Ever? Star Girl gasped. Ever, Ever, Ever! exclaimed Brittany Booty Bear. Star Girl's eyes fell upon its simplistic cover, and read the title. She had heard of this book before. Yes, she certainly had, and she always knew she would read if only for its absolutely amazing title which she bonded to immediately. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Star Girl nodded her head at her friend, and promised she would read her friends favorite book ever, ever, EVER. And so, Star Girl found herself 24 hours later, her face burning red as it always does when she is balls deep in a selfish fit of crying, high off the catharsis of a good, heavy sob fest. Shaking she reaches for her phone, and in this day in age, while it sounds much less romantic, Star Girl texts rather tha calls her friend Brittany Booty Bear. "OMG I just want to let you know I finished the book, and I am still crying. That was one of the best books I have ever read and I am thankful you shared it with me" Star Girl's friend responded with rapid fire, and so began the texts ping ponging back discussing the book at length. "And in this moment I swear we were infinite" they both agreed that was the best quote of the book, encapsulating those fleeting nights driving in cars with friends and listening to music, with no where to go.
8/30/2012: Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear had somewhere to go today. Star Girl had been told by a literature teacher that Stephen Chbosky THE FREAKIN' AUTHOR of The Perks of Being a Wallflower was going to be doing a book signing at Changing Hands Bookstore. Brittany Booty Bear was still down in the dumps over an awful birthday party the weekend before, broken glass, uninvited guests, an anxiety attack- it was anything but a Happy Birthday. Star Girl told her friend, "PERK UP! I bought you and I a hardback copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower which is OUR tickets to a book signing with mr. you-know-who!" Star Girl was practically choked out by her friends embrace, which had thrown itself around her neck.
So There they stood. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear, jittery and agitated standing in line waiting to meet the penman of their holy bible. Agitated because they had to stand in line listening to some stuck up broad going off about how great her life was, how anyone who read genre fiction was a retard, and how it sounded oh-so cliche but she might just finish her masters at Cambridge once she left this godforsaken lousy example of state called ARIZONA. You know, your typical academic snob. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear rolled their eyes and edged their way towards the front of the line.
THE PAY OFF. There he sat, in all his glory, looking well, rather normal. But the nervousness did not wear off. Star Girls hands were shaking. Mr. Chbosky was boisterous and friendly. "Look at these style ladies!" He said as we approached him. We could not believe it! Star Girl did not like to admit her narcissistic obsession with carefully crafting together her thrifted finds. She was an amateur seamstress. Her friend was wearing one of her dresses! The compliment made them giggle like school girls. The banter went on for a few minutes- oh, how the girls wished it could last an eternity. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear had mouths like sailors, which Mr. Chbosky found thoroughly amusing. In Star Girl's booked he scribed: "Callista, (Star Girl will only disclose this name once!) Great Fucking Style! I'm Sorry.- Stephen Chbosky. (Sorry For the Curse word? Wondered Star girl, or the compliment?)In Brittany Booty Bear's book he scribed, "Brittany: You are Fucking Infinite-Stephen Chbosky" The word infinite was of course in reference to the two friends favorite quote in the book, "And in this moment I swear we were infinite."
And I swear, in that moment, and for the rest of the night, as Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear rode around town in a beat up car looking for a hole in the wall bar to share a good beer, they really did feel infinite.
4:46pm
Star Girl is antsy! Maybe its the full moon, or the wind howling past her second story apartment window. MAYBE its the fact that something AMAZING happened yesterday and Star Girl is still reeling from it?! Star Girl stepped out her front door yesterday and decided to do something other than hugging a bottle of wine and a book. Ok, stepping out the front door was NOT the amazing part. Star Girl does not suffer from agoraphobia, although she has her moments of social anxiety and/or awkwardness. No, Star Girl ventured out to a bookstore with one of her Best Friends, lets call her Brittany Booty-Bear. Please, let me warn you: Star Girl has an affinity for calling her loved ones terms of endearment that end with -bear. Such fuzzy, cute, cuddly creatures when shrunken to a miniature size, plush with cotton stuffing and sewn in Bambi-sized eyes. The word Bear turns into a term which symbolizes such affections. Anyways, Star Girl has digressed and gone to the Moon (it is brimming on this fine Friday after all), so let us come back down together and begin where we left off. Ah, yes. The journey of less than a hundred miles began with a single step out her front door. Actually, it really began last month, when Brittany Booty-Bear read the very book Star Girl got her name from: Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli. Star Girl had passed on her ragged, dog eared copy with the solemnity of passing along a family heirloom; it was a soul heirloom, and the book, she advised, must be read with the openness of a child, and in it you will discover some very innate essences of life. Brittany Booty Bear completed the task, and with teary eyes handed Star Girl a piece of her soul in return: Her own ragged, dog-eared copy of her FAVORITE BOOK EVER. Ever? Star Girl gasped. Ever, Ever, Ever! exclaimed Brittany Booty Bear. Star Girl's eyes fell upon its simplistic cover, and read the title. She had heard of this book before. Yes, she certainly had, and she always knew she would read if only for its absolutely amazing title which she bonded to immediately. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Star Girl nodded her head at her friend, and promised she would read her friends favorite book ever, ever, EVER. And so, Star Girl found herself 24 hours later, her face burning red as it always does when she is balls deep in a selfish fit of crying, high off the catharsis of a good, heavy sob fest. Shaking she reaches for her phone, and in this day in age, while it sounds much less romantic, Star Girl texts rather tha calls her friend Brittany Booty Bear. "OMG I just want to let you know I finished the book, and I am still crying. That was one of the best books I have ever read and I am thankful you shared it with me" Star Girl's friend responded with rapid fire, and so began the texts ping ponging back discussing the book at length. "And in this moment I swear we were infinite" they both agreed that was the best quote of the book, encapsulating those fleeting nights driving in cars with friends and listening to music, with no where to go.
8/30/2012: Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear had somewhere to go today. Star Girl had been told by a literature teacher that Stephen Chbosky THE FREAKIN' AUTHOR of The Perks of Being a Wallflower was going to be doing a book signing at Changing Hands Bookstore. Brittany Booty Bear was still down in the dumps over an awful birthday party the weekend before, broken glass, uninvited guests, an anxiety attack- it was anything but a Happy Birthday. Star Girl told her friend, "PERK UP! I bought you and I a hardback copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower which is OUR tickets to a book signing with mr. you-know-who!" Star Girl was practically choked out by her friends embrace, which had thrown itself around her neck.
So There they stood. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear, jittery and agitated standing in line waiting to meet the penman of their holy bible. Agitated because they had to stand in line listening to some stuck up broad going off about how great her life was, how anyone who read genre fiction was a retard, and how it sounded oh-so cliche but she might just finish her masters at Cambridge once she left this godforsaken lousy example of state called ARIZONA. You know, your typical academic snob. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear rolled their eyes and edged their way towards the front of the line.
THE PAY OFF. There he sat, in all his glory, looking well, rather normal. But the nervousness did not wear off. Star Girls hands were shaking. Mr. Chbosky was boisterous and friendly. "Look at these style ladies!" He said as we approached him. We could not believe it! Star Girl did not like to admit her narcissistic obsession with carefully crafting together her thrifted finds. She was an amateur seamstress. Her friend was wearing one of her dresses! The compliment made them giggle like school girls. The banter went on for a few minutes- oh, how the girls wished it could last an eternity. Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear had mouths like sailors, which Mr. Chbosky found thoroughly amusing. In Star Girl's booked he scribed: "Callista, (Star Girl will only disclose this name once!) Great Fucking Style! I'm Sorry.- Stephen Chbosky. (Sorry For the Curse word? Wondered Star girl, or the compliment?)In Brittany Booty Bear's book he scribed, "Brittany: You are Fucking Infinite-Stephen Chbosky" The word infinite was of course in reference to the two friends favorite quote in the book, "And in this moment I swear we were infinite."
And I swear, in that moment, and for the rest of the night, as Star Girl and Brittany Booty Bear rode around town in a beat up car looking for a hole in the wall bar to share a good beer, they really did feel infinite.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Star Girl/drawings of a constellation
August 24th 2012: Friday, 10:04pm
The world is Star Girl's oyster, if only she could find her pearl. A pretty pearl to captivate her and remind her she has her place in this big, scary world. Star Girl likes a pseudonym. Some day's she likes to wear false eyelashes and wigs and costumes. Other days she pulls the hooded sweater from her closet and wear's her hair down to cover her face-is Star Girl's hair white blonde? Lavender? Or an artificial shade of brazen red this month? Star Girl enjoys changing persona's as much as she likes changing her outfits. She thought maybe one day she would be a fashion designer, the next day a rock star whore in the vein of Courtney Love. She dreams of writing, directing, (and sometimes appearing) in a C-level horror film with her friends.
The world is Star Girl's oyster, if only she could find her pearl. A pretty pearl to captivate her and remind her she has her place in this big, scary world. Star Girl likes a pseudonym. Some day's she likes to wear false eyelashes and wigs and costumes. Other days she pulls the hooded sweater from her closet and wear's her hair down to cover her face-is Star Girl's hair white blonde? Lavender? Or an artificial shade of brazen red this month? Star Girl enjoys changing persona's as much as she likes changing her outfits. She thought maybe one day she would be a fashion designer, the next day a rock star whore in the vein of Courtney Love. She dreams of writing, directing, (and sometimes appearing) in a C-level horror film with her friends.
Star Girl sleeps to dream. When dreams don't come so easily and the witching hour has crept along with the night shadows, she pours over the photographs of Irina Ionesco and Francesca Woodman, tilting her head to the side with eyes closed-imagining herself as their subject to pose and prop like a doll. If only she could be a muse or find a muse. Other times, Star Girl thinks it would be fun to have her own Arts and Crafts blog, and write super cheerful, artificial musings on how fabulous her dinner parties are and how all her friends and family simply adored their handmade rag rugs for Christmas.
Star Girl feels ashamed and sad for the world when she finds herself piddling away hours on fashion blogs, wishing she was ten pounds more thinner so she could be that stick thin girl in the photos, posing in her fashion forward outfits.Then Star Girl remembers she was that girl, the sick girl. Sometimes Star Girl misses those days, and thinks she had found her pearl, when she lost her menstrual cycle and grew fur on her face. Don't ever let your thighs touch together, remembers Star Girl as she
tries to avoid looking at those jiggly thighs bouncy with nervousness
underneath her desk. She bites her lip and tries not to be angry with
herself today.
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