Star Girl/drawings of a constellation

August 24th 2012: Friday, 10:04pm 

The world is Star Girl's oyster, if only she could find her pearl. A pretty pearl to captivate her and remind her she has her place in this big, scary world. Star Girl likes a pseudonym. Some day's she likes to wear false eyelashes and wigs and costumes. Other days she pulls the hooded sweater from her closet and wear's her hair down to cover her face-is Star Girl's hair white blonde? Lavender? Or an artificial shade of brazen red this month? Star Girl enjoys changing persona's as much as she likes changing her outfits. She thought maybe one day she would be a fashion designer, the next day a rock star whore in the vein of Courtney Love. She dreams of writing, directing, (and sometimes appearing) in a C-level horror film with her friends. 

Star Girl sleeps to dream. When dreams don't come so easily and the witching hour has crept along with the night shadows, she pours over the photographs of Irina Ionesco and Francesca Woodman, tilting her head to the side with eyes closed-imagining herself as their subject to pose and prop like a doll. If only she could be a muse or find a muse. Other times, Star Girl thinks it would be fun to have her own Arts and Crafts blog, and write super cheerful, artificial musings on how fabulous her dinner parties are and how all her friends and family simply adored their handmade rag rugs for Christmas. 

Star Girl feels ashamed and sad for the world when she finds herself piddling away hours on fashion blogs, wishing she was ten pounds more thinner so she could be that stick thin girl in the photos, posing in her fashion forward outfits.Then Star Girl remembers she was that girl, the sick girl. Sometimes Star Girl misses those days, and thinks she had found her pearl, when she lost her menstrual cycle and grew fur on her face. Don't ever let your thighs touch together, remembers Star Girl as she tries to avoid looking at those jiggly thighs bouncy with nervousness underneath her desk. She bites her lip and tries not to be angry with herself today.

 Star Girl must make a promise, she will try everything at least once. Star Girl will document these attempts in this blog, whether failed, successful, or consistent. She will pick up a guitar, a pen, and camera. She will paint, she will read, she will ace her Algebra test. She won't be perfect, and this can extremely upsetting. Perhaps she can find catharsis in reminding herself with these daily and weekly postings she is only human and she has tried her best. Star Girl will keep looking for the pearl to her oyster.